I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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