Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
