the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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