So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
