it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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