Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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