i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
