Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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