He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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