Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
