Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
