Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
