Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
