Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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