The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
