Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
