Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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