A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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