how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
