We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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