you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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