I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
