Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
