he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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