I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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