i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
