my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
vagina is talking i cant
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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