I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
