In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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