oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
