Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i now understand why vodka
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
