I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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