she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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