Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
