I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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