2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Michael Bay diarrhea
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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