dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
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Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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