You just made me feel so damn special
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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