I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
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I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
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i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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