He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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