Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
