sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
