using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
