Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
