I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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