I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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