i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
