8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
