I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
