I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
