so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
