Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
