I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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