And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
