Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
