listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
