if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
