you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
