Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
