Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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