see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
