Are we in a gay sports bar?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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