Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Alive.
So much puke
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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