I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
