I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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