This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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