my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
