Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
