at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
