mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
