Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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