oh god the rape fog is back!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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