I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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