Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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