I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
