apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
