i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
