had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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