dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
