oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
