Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
