did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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