My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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