I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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