a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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